On a Thursday morning, exactly two weeks ago from the day, I put this piece together. I woke up with this heaviness. I’m not sure if it was the kind people describe as “having the world on their shoulders”. All I can affirm is, I went to bed at an okay level of all-round wellness and woke up with some kind of dead weight.
To say I carried on like this for a whole week seems unbelievable. If you’ve met me, you’d be able to tell that I am a happy child, the spice of the Rainbow. But for whatever reason, I couldn’t shake it off. I found myself in this funk that just wouldn’t go away. What’s worse? I didn’t want to be there but I couldn’t leave.
I am happy to say that I am well now. I don’t use the word ‘well’ loosely and no this isn’t one of those Gen Z rants about my “mental health”. This is me, actually admitting to the fact that out of nowhere some chaos found me and even though I always find a way to navigate through. This time, I lost.
It’s funny, I have been on this mind journey where I work on my state of being. You know, thinking about what I am thinking about, consuming some mind food, taking strolls, socializing and just staying present. I had been arming myself with weapons to beat Life and its hullabaloos (my new favourite word next to discombobulate. Lol…) I digress, so as I was saying…. to beat Life and its hullabaloos at its own game. So, I can only ask. How did I get myself here?
Consistent was one thing I promised myself to be this year. That is, in everything I did but, amidst the cloudy days I couldn’t find a way to do the one thing that I love to do. Write. That’s when I knew I most probably had hit the bottom of the rock. Little Miss Write-a-lot, has no words? Houston, we have a problem. I joke, I joke.
Have you ever been here? A friend of mine says, “If you’re going through something there is probably at least one other human going through the same thing.” If you happen to be one other human, I’d love to know how you dealt with this.
I have learned to give myself grace. After my battle ended, I beat myself up for losing. I know now that the victory in scars is not just about winning. It’s about survival to tell the story. The reminder to take a different turn. The chance to be better prepared.
I have also learned that what I feed my soul is so important, the people in my cycle, vital and my thoughts, oh my thoughts. The well of my imagination, the powerhouse of my creativity is too fragile to let just any seed be planted. These are the spirits that work while we sleep. The activities that go on in the universe and slam!!! Keep you on the wrong side when the morning alarm rings.
Two weeks later, I am fine but I know there will be other battles. This time, I’d be ready, win or lose. Giving up will never be an option. I don’t know if I made any sense. I warned you though, these thoughts were unraveled from my well
“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.”
– Tony Robbins
